


(Abandoned) I Love You, And I Want You

by taeharu



Series: Our Love Story [2]
Category: Free!
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Biting, Clothed Sex, Coming In Pants, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dry Humping, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, First Time, Frottage, M/M, Making Out, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plans For The Future, Rating will change, Scratching, TMI between friends, Wet Dream, asshole friends, haru-centric, homophobic parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-09 23:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4369115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeharu/pseuds/taeharu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After confessing his feelings to Makoto, Haruka's life has been way better. He wants to take it to the other level, get more intimate with his soulmate and love of his life. Of course, he doesn't expect that to be easy, considering how much of an naive guy his boyfriend is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell Me You Want Me, Too (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, considering it's just an introduction to the story. Let's call this one "Introduction Part 1", the next chapter being the part 2. I'm so very sorry it took me so long to post this, I was writing some other stuff and studying, ugh. Now I'm free, I guess... and I have to go out with my friends now (meaning: I didn't edit this at all; please help me notifying me my mistakes.)
> 
> Good reading!

His mom has called quite frequently in the past five months, ever since she found out Haruka and Makoto are dating. She never addresses the subject, though, but the raven knows she does not approve their relationship - not that it matters. He's happy with Makoto, and they already planned it all out: first, they are going to buy an apartment next to their future university and live together; their parents are going to pay for it for some time, which leads to their second step, the one in which they apply to part-time jobs and start to live on their own. Once they have graduated, they'll find real jobs and the rest is what will come. He couldn't have planned better.

Except... he's going to live with Makoto and hasn't so much as slept with Makoto.

Not that it matters so much... though it does, a bit. He knows Makoto is interested in that stuff - he found lube and a tissue box right next to it in the bottom drawer of Makoto's room one day - but the brunet hasn't tried anything, initiated any more... _intense_ contact. Maybe Makoto is uncomfortable with the idea of two men having sex; maybe he finds Haruka's body disgusting, who knows?

It is not as if Makoto would tell him that; he's too much of a sweetheart. Haruka knows his love is real. He just... he gets the concept of "not being ready", he has dealt with that when struggling to confess, but he has been ready to give himself to Makoto the minute their lips first touched. He wants to know how much he'll have to wait, if waiting is an option at all. They never talked about it, and now he's craving; his whole body liters on fire whenever he's with Makoto, and not being able to touch him the way he wants to is frustrating.

"I don't know, Rin, it's weird," he tells the redhead, massaging his temple and lying back on the couch. Kou shows up and offers him tea and homemade cookies, but he politely refuses and turns his attention to her brother again. "He doesn't even try. It's like he doesn't want to."

They are at Rin's house, the redhead making him come over for a change. He says if Haruka needs the help, then he should "get his ass over there and pay for the train himself for once". Haruka doesn't mind, considering Rin's place is so close to a training pool. He's so going to swim there later- oh, no, he won't. Rin still hasn't talked to the owner to let him in. Shitty best friend.

"That's... not so weird. I mean, Sousuke was pretty forward, but look who we're talking about," Rin says, rubbing at his chin. Yamazaki and him have been dating for almost two months now, the redhead gathering courage from his friend's new relationship status. In Haruka's opinion, if Rin hadn’t confessed, Yamazaki would - and not two weeks after, he's sure. It was just too obvious, with the way they were always looking at each other and _accidentally_ holding hands. He snorts at the memory. "Makoto is always hesitant to touch you, isn't he?" Rin asks.

"He wasn't, at first," Haruka mumbles, dropping his hand. Kou sits by his side and places a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. A while back, Rin got her to help him, too. Something about him needing all the help he can get. He appreciated it; she's more understanding than her brother, at least.

The thing about Kou is that she's been with that Mikoshiba guy for some time now and Rin knows nothing of it. She trusted Haruka with this information and he's not going to betray her telling her brother about her love affairs, because he thinks she should do that herself. The longer she hides it, the harder it's going to be to finally tell him the truth. He knows that pretty well now.

"When did it start?" she asks him, forcing him out of his thoughts. It takes him a moment to realize she's asking about Makoto's lack of touch. Ah, how can he forget the brunet's outburst that day? He still doesn't get it.

"We were in my house- on my bed, actually. We were kissing and he... it was _evolving_. I reached out to take his shirt off and he got startled and said he had to leave to do stuff at home."

It was a nightmare, really. Haruka panicked the second Makoto excused himself of his house, thinking he had screwed up. The next day, Makoto showed up like nothing had happened, but it wasn't the same. Haruka, too, was too scared to even think of asking him.

The Matsuoka siblings share a long-lasting glance before turning to him in sync. Haruka frowns. _What now?_

"I don't get you guys..." Rin says with a breathy laugh.

"You understand each other so well, it's amazing you're both walking the same path and still don't see each other," Kou says, shaking her head. Rin laughs again and her face colors. "Don't say it, brother!"

"You're sounding _way_ too much like that teacher of yours!"

"Can we please focus on Haruka-senpai's situation, please?" she grunts.

"I'd like that," the raven agrees.

Rin sighs and slides down on the sofa. "He wants to do it but he's scared - like _always_ \- and you're too self-conscious to do something. Either you guys get over your fears or you'll die virgins."

Haruka deadpans. He's sure Makoto is not _afraid_ of having sex, not when he leaves his sex-related stuff so ridiculously "hidden". He's not about to tell them that, though. That's something they don't need to know.

Instead, he says he's accepting the tea and cookies now, please, and as Kou stands to get it, he follows her to help. When they get to the kitchen, be stops her, turning around to make sure Rin is not listening. Luckily, the redhead is too occupied watching the ending of a movie Haruka didn't even know was on. He turns to Kou.

"Did you do it?" he asks her lowly. "With Mikoshiba, I mean?"

Kou turns beet-red the second his question reaches her ears. Through the years, even when they were younger and apart, she has always been like a little sister to him - although he doesn't act as much possessive of her as Rin. He couldn't care less for her love affairs, after all, she's happy. His opinion of the guy is not going to change that.

"We. Kind of did, yes..." she mutters, heading to the counter. "Please don't tell Rin."

Haruka rolls his eyes. "Who do you think I am?" he asks her, deadpanning. A pause. A breath. A bird chirping in the background. "Was it hard for you to decide it was time?"

She sighs, then smiles, her eyes suddenly more bright. "Not so much. I was reluctant at first, because of Rin, but then I realized it has nothing to do with him. I wanted it, he wanted it, so it kind of happened. Though Sei asked me if I was sure all the time."

"You don't regret it?"

"Not a single bit," she giggles, a faint blush still present on her cheeks and pointy nose. "I don't think I could ever regret it. We've never been so close."

Haruka thinks about that for a bit while she gets things ready. He's close enough to Makoto. Could they get any closer? He doesn't know. Surely, from what he's learned during High School, sex between two people that love each other is supposed to serve as a connection, a step to a higher level. He is not sure he could live without sex - but he's not sure of anything, really. He doesn't even know how they're supposed to do stuff like that, considering they're both men. Maybe he could ask Rin, but that would be too embarrassing, even for him.

"You think I should talk to him about it?"

Kou turns to look at him, eyes smiling. "I think it would be worth a shot."

"Okay."

"And, Haru," she whispers, getting closer, "Makoto-senpai talks to me, too. He said he wants to be sure you're ready, just like Sei did to me." Haruka's eyes widen. When he looks down at her, she's smiling, holding a finger to her lips, motioning for him to keep the secret.

Makoto... wants him? The same way?

He's not disgusted?

Once they're back in the living room - Haruka holding a tray with cookies and tea for three of them -, they settle on the couch in front of the TV. It wasn't the plan to spend the whole afternoon watching romantic comedies, but that's how it turned out. Haruka paid attention to none of them, his heart beating madly in his chest, thoughts of what Kou told him still fresh in his mind.

As the third movie corners its end, Haruka stands and excuses himself, thanking them for the hospitality. Kou hugs him and wishes him good luck. Rin taps him on the back and sees him out.

He knows he's supposed to go home, but as he couldn't wait to confess once he knew it was the right thing, he can't help but to reach for his phone and dial Makoto's number, asking him if he can please come over and saying they need to talk.

"Yes, sure," is what Makoto tells him, concern repressed. Haruka hurries to take the first train back home, not even thinking about the pool at the end of the street or anything. All he can think of is Makoto and him and their possibilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor baby Haruka, thinking he's so clever and aware of Makoto's thoughts. It's funny because even in the show, they never get it right when it's about each other.  
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I'll update as soon as possible. Don't forget to comment, please! It makes my day to read the kind things you have to say. And also please don't use the comment box to say nice things. You can also point out an error or give me future ideas!
> 
> I gotta go now, but see you guys soon huh? Thanks once again, hope you enjoyed it! There's still a lot more to come.


	2. Tell Me You Want Me, Too (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this chapter is short. "Introduction Part 2". I'm really tired and I won't keep you for long.  
> Hope you like it!

The train trip is usually short; nothing more than 20 minutes if he's lucky. The thing is, there's a delay caused by the malfunctioning of some gas-part of the transport Haruka doesn't care about. What he _does_ care about is the waiting time, which is of one whole hour _minimum_. He sends Makoto a text, telling him "I'm sorry, one hour delay. Train is broken I guess". His boyfriend, as understanding as ever, says it's okay and tells him not to worry.

When he finally gets on the train, though, he's a nerve wreck. He spent the last hour thinking about Makoto telling him that _no,_ they can't have sex because it's gross, and then remembering what Kou had said and freaking out because _why hadn't she told him earlier?_

He thinks it's stupid for him to care so much. He loves Makoto, Makoto loves him, and that's enough. They doesn't need to have sex… but he wants to. He wants to touch his boyfriend and feel him reciprocate. He wants to have the heated relationship he sees in movies, and all the passion and the _need_. Of course, it's going to be okay if Makoto doesn't want to - he's not going to do something his boyfriend is uncomfortable with - but he wants to know Makoto's view of this.

"Just got out," Haruka sends him, an hour and forty minutes after his first text. "Meet me at my house instead?" he adds after some thought, thinking Makoto's family must be home. They won’t be able to talk seriously with Makoto furiously glancing at his bedroom door – that does not have a lock – every five seconds.

Makoto replies not a minute later, "Already here. :)" and it makes Haruka fall in love with him all over again.

He gets home pretty quickly, the way home from the station shorter than the walk from school. The door is unlocked (Makoto has a key, now. Not that it changes anything - just that the backdoor is locked most of the time), a pair of orange sneakers next to it. Haruka hates those flashy things, but he knows he'll miss them once Makoto's feet are too big for them.

He goes to the living room quietly, Makoto sitting on the couch, body relatively tense. He's eyeing the remote controller and Haruka knows he's thinking about maybe watch some TV to calm down. Not that he will have the time to do that now, of course.

"I'm home," he announces, walking towards his boyfriend and greeting him with a kiss on the forehead. "Sorry I made you wait-"

"Not at all!" Makoto interrupts him, smiling nervously. "It really wasn't your fault! I mean, the delay, and everything... welcome home, Haru."

Sitting by his side, Haruka places his head on Makoto's shoulders. He's suddenly not nervous anymore, about anything. Makoto has an ability to make him feel safe and calm, just like his mother. Must be a Tachibana thing, he muses, looking up and smiling at his boyfriend. Makoto is so perfect, beautiful and kind. He doesn't know what he did to deserve such a gift.

"What do you want to talk about?" Makoto asks, smiling back at him. He's still nervous, Haruka observes, but not as much as before.

"I'm not pressuring you to do anything," Haruka warns, hand drawing patterns on Makoto's thighs to ease him. "But there's something I've been thinking about. A lot."

"Hm..." Makoto hums, encouraging him to go on.

Haruka pauses. He doesn't know how to tell him. 'I've been thinking about having sex with you' is definitely something Makoto is not ready to hear.

"I've been wondering..." he tries out, Makoto waiting patiently, "Wondering when would we get... _physical_?"

"Physical?" Makoto asks, frowning. "Like... work out?"

Haruka tries not to laugh, pressing his lips together. "Not exactly."

"Then... how?" the brunet insists, looking down at Haruka with confusion. The raven sits up and grasps one of Makoto's hands, squeezing it lightly.

"I mean in like... a carnal way."

"Carnal?"

"Dirty."

"D-dirty?"

"Naughty."

"Naughty?!"

Haruka smiles at him, "Yeah. Just wondering," he shrugs. "No pressure."

Makoto's eyes widen comically, his mouth open in an exaggerating scale. From the skin showing through his clothes, he's completely red. Haruka never saw him so shocked and embarrassed before. It kind of hurts him, to have Makoto react so dramatically.

"As in... sex?" Makoto whispers, squeezing Haruka's hands. "Are you sure?"

Haruka shrugs and lies back on the couch, heart clenching. Makoto doesn't look like he's wanting to do anything at all, but now it's too late to drop it.

"Yeah. I mean, I want to know what you think of it," Haruka says, feeling a lot more anxious than he expected to now. When he arrived, he thought everything was fine, but now he’s having second thoughts. "I love you and I want to touch you; I want you to touch me. It's okay if that's not what you want, if you don't like it- I'm not forcing you," he adds. "I just want to know if you need time to be ready, or if we're not doing it at all."

Makoto is not reacting at all, looking at him like he just grew a second head. Haruka tries to remain calm and accept Makoto's lack of sexual interest for him, but it hurts. He knows it isn't supposed to hurt - he has the most caring, loving and amazing boyfriend he could ever ask for, sex isn't something important enough to erase all of that - but it does. He feels awful, disgusting, the worst person in the whole world to have such an angel by his side and still ask for more.

"Haru..." Makoto breathes, evolving his hand with his both now, squeezing it tightly and looking at him deep in the eyes. "I want you; so, so much. I really do," he pauses, sighing. "But I don't think you're ready for a step this big."

Haruka frowns. "How can you know that? I want you this way since you told me you love me back."

Makoto smiles faintly, leans in and kisses him on the lips. A soft, loving gesture like many others, but still enough to relax the raven. The sweet pressure of Makoto's lips against his own still feels like a dream, his scent luring him in. It's funny; Makoto smells like mint and chocolate, and it's just like him: refreshing and sweet at the same time.

"I want you to realize," Makoto whispers against his lips, "That this is nothing like what we're doing right now. I don't want you to regret it."

Haruka's eyes - that he didn't notice he had closed - open to meet sad green ones. He sighs, rubbing his nose against Makoto's, his hands evolving his boyfriend's.

"I can't ever regret it," Haruka tells him. "I want this. I'm sure of it."

Makoto sighs and it feels like the hundredth time. "I love you, Haruka," is all he says, planting a kiss on his left cheek. "Let's please not hurry. We have to know what we're doing."

The raven smiles fondly at his boyfriend, head nodding slowly. He agrees; they still have plenty to learn and discover before actually doing it. He, as much as Makoto, wants it to be perfect and a memorable moment. He doesn't want to screw up.

They agree on searching and experimenting before doing the actual thing. _It's better like that_ , Haruka thinks, after all he still gets to be with Makoto. There is no date, no pressure. They will try things out when the moment is right. Honestly, Haruka can't wait, his body trembling with excitement as he sees Makoto out. He can't wait until tomorrow to do his personal homework, hurrying upstairsand turning on his laptop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, things are going to get steamy~~~
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I'll update as soon as possible. Please, don't forget to comment! It's always important for a writer to know what the readers are thinking. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Unconsciously Thinking Of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SWEAR I HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR ALL THOSE WEEKS WITHOUT A SINGLE UPDATE  
> First, I had a writer's block. Second, something happened (I swear I don't remember what) and I had no time to write. AND THEN MY LAPTOP BROKE DOWN LIKE  
> FOR NO REASON???? So I got really panicky because all of my stuff was in there etc etc but hopefully I was able to save it. 
> 
> So, about this fic in particular: I didn't want to update until I had some sort of backup in case things happened again, so I just wrote the 6th chapter and I'm going to post the 3rd.  
> This one iS SUPER SMALL and I know I promised a bigger chapter, and I don't even like this one, but idk it just felt like something I should add to the story.
> 
> I had a lot of things to say but it's not surprising that I completely forgot whatever I planned to say. If you want to know more about my daily suffering, I'll be in the end notes.
> 
> Even though this chapter is ridiculous - it's seriously nothing NOTHING; it's not even important -, I hope you enjoy it.  
> And sorry again for the delay. I'm really, really sorry.

After his brief research, Haruka was able to find a few problematic things that will compromise his... activity with Makoto.

Basically, there could be blood, depending on the inserter's (as the site called) size. Knowing Makoto as well as he does, there is a slight chance he has a penis as big as an orca's. There is also a big chance the bottom will be sore the next day.

The thing is Haruka wants to be the bottom, not caring about all the scary possibilities. Not that the idea of topping Makoto turns him off - quite the contrary, actually -, but all his fantasies had been of Makoto doing him, not the other way around. He has read all that he could in the three hours since his boyfriend left, and nothing scared him more than the fact that Makoto may want to call it out once he realizes there's a big chance Haruka will end up hurt. It's understandable, but it still frustrates him. All the while craving and noticing it was for nothing, even after Makoto telling him he wants it too...

They decided to meet tomorrow, to do it right. They'll look up for things together, advice sites or whatever they can find. They'll talk, understand each other better. Haruka hopes Makoto will tell him what he craves for, too.

The raven grasps his phone and sends Makoto a text, a simple "Good night". He receives an answer not a minute later, Makoto wishing him the same and telling him he loves him. Haruka smiles and heads to his bed, where he lays and hopes for the best.

* * *

 

He wakes up feeling something warm above him. He's all hot and sweaty, something rubbing his clothed crotch. As he opens his eyes, he's met with green orbs with dilated pupils.

"Makoto?" he gasps, the brunet's mouth finding his and shutting him.

Makoto's hips press down on his crotch, heat pooling around his stomach. He moans, wet lips finding its way until his neck. He tries to touch Makoto, but the brunet pins him down, mouthing at his collarbone and biting hard. Haruka is unable to speak or make sense of the situation, his mind blurry and his hips thrusting up in a frenetic rhythm.

He's half-hard and seeking for some friction, meeting Makoto's own thrusts in the way. They both moan and proceed to grind on each other, their clothes getting in the way.

Haruka feels incredibly hot, panting and gasping, moans coming out of control. He only has eyes for Makoto, who's beautifully sweaty and flushed above him, staring at him and moaning his name.

"Cum for me," he orders Haruka, one of his hands trailing down and grasping Haruka's cock (wasn't he dressed just now?), his grip strong and firm, slow jerks turning him into a mumbling mess. "Do it, Haruka."

"Mmm- Mako-!" is all Haruka manages to say, his eyes watering because of the intensity of his arousal. Never before he has felt so hot and needy, his breath coming out uneven. His hips stutter in air as he cums, Makoto's lips finding him once again, not allowing him to breathe properly.

His orgasm is intense, he feels it through his whole body as he shouts Makoto's name, thrusting upwards just one more time to feel Makoto against him again, but he-

He opens his eyes, his hips frozen in air. He's alone in his room.

Flopping down on the bed, he looks around, his breathing still flawed. Did he dream all that? It felt so real.

Looking down, he pushes the blankets aside, seeing his underwear completely soaked. While it's true he hasn't masturbated in a long time, he would never expect to cum this much - and for a dream, for God's sake!

Sighing, he glances at the clock, the red LED light telling him it's 10 AM and that he has slept through his alarm. He stands and undresses on the way to the bathroom, leaving his underwear on the laundry basket. He will deal with that later.

He starts to fill the tub with water when his phone rings. Groaning, he walks back to his room and glances at the caller's ID, before picking up.

"Of all the times you have called me, this has to be the worst," he says, heading back to the bathroom. He hears Rin laughing through the speakers.

"Why? Were you and Makoto finally doing it?"

 _Yeah, in my dreams_. "It's 10 AM. He's probably still asleep."

"Love has no time!" Rin tells him. "Anyway, just called because Gou wants to know how the whole talking thing went."

Haruka sits by the tub edge, wishing it would fill already. "We're researching today."

"Researching? Are you doing homework or fucking?"

Haruka rolls his eyes, fully aware Rin can't see him. "It's not like he just has to stick it in and done, Rin. You know that."

"Yeah, whatever. You know what, you can call me when it's over."

"Don't count on that."

"Prick."

After they hang up, Haruka sets his phone on the sink and screws the tap, settling himself in the tub. Lukewarm water surrounds him like an old friend, a sigh leaving his lips. Oh, yes, he's been needing a relaxing bath like that. He needs to cool down before Makoto's arrival in an hour.

Just why- why would he have a dream like that now? Of all the times before, it really never got this far. It makes him feel even more eager and excited because it _felt so good_. The real thing must be a hundred times better.

Haruka just wishes he could remember what was it all about. He has a few images running in his mind but no concrete thought; it's like remembering an old picture, in his own blurry way.

Maybe he should tell Makoto about his dream. Would that freak him out?

But then again, he silently decided he wouldn't hide these things from his boyfriend anymore. Makoto must be insecure, he has always been, then Haruka should show him this is real. He loves him and wants him, and that is not going to change.

Haruka sighs and blows bubbles into the water surface. If only it were this simple to talk to Makoto...

He wonders how he's supposed to open Makoto's eyes. Talking might do the job, but it's never a guarantee. He could try and be more... persuasive, but he doesn't want to scare him like that, and he probably would.

If anything, Haruka wants to know what's the big deal. Why had Makoto been holding back like he said he did? Why would he even consider Haruka not wanting him? He doesn't get it.

He just wishes he could make Makoto understand.

Well, he still has an hour to decide how to approach the subject, and, as nervous as he is, he can’t wait for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like the worst chapter I've ever written. Actually, no- in the 6th chapter, it's all about the Rin/Gou/Haru dynamics and it sucks. I can't pick the worst chapter, tbh. I really don't know how to write Rin - which is a shame, considering I had plans of writing another fic (Part 3 of this series) of his and Gou's perspective - because I don't think I can stress how important they are in here, helping both Haru and Makoto but whatever. I might get better, who knows.
> 
> I just joined a tumblr RPG (Harry Potter, if you're interested) and I'm SO NERVOUS. I've been rping in English (SNK/Harry Potter crossover, a RPG that's just me and two close friends), but this one is in Brazilian Portuguese, which is my mother language but I hate it because the more I learn in English, the less I know in Portuguese. I have a pretty small brain, what can I say???? jk that's not true
> 
> So, about my daily suffering,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
> My parents traveled to another state on Sunday (August 8th), so I'm alone at home with my two cats. They'll be back this Sunday, but until then I have to cook for myself, do the laundry, the dishes, the general cleaning, take care of the cats, water the plants, wake up at 6am by myself to go to school....... it's so stressing and I hate it, so I'm kind of a bit of A LOT overwhelmed (I don't even know if this sentence makes sense bUT RIGHT NOW I don't care.)  
> So, yeah, it's rough. I never wanted to live by myself - really, not ever -, so this week is pretty much hELL
> 
> I know I talk too much but HEY!!! I decided to make things easier for you by creating a Twitter account where I'll post fic updates. I'll try to tweet the fic statuses every day, things such as "writing for ILYAIWY right now!!! next chapter up tomorrow!!!" or whatever. You can follow me if you want to chat or just, you know, what I just said. The user is @meowruka_news
> 
> (Look at that, my notes are bigger than my fic lol KILL ME)


	4. And So It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow tay that was quick huh????  
> yeah i know  
> clap clap motherfucker  
> (sorry)
> 
> anyway, good reading!!!

By the time Makoto arrives, Haruka has his laptop on his lap and a glass of water in hands. The brunet knocks on the door before opening it, looking at his boyfriend with that 'I told you to lock this' expression of his. Haruka just shrugs and leans up when Makoto bends down to kiss him, his lips ever so soft and inviting. Makoto smells like chocolate, but tastes like mint.

“Good morning, Haru,” he greets him, his smile as bright as the sun.

“’Morning.”

"So, are we doing this before or after lunch?" Makoto asks, and he looks way more relaxed now. Haruka frowns.

"It's your call," he says, placing the glass on the coffee table in front of him. He's not using the laptop to do anything important, just watching swimming competitions on _YouTube_.

Makoto sits by his side on the couch, his presence warm and comfortable there. Haruka is about to speak when he feels Makoto’s arms around his shoulders, the whole side of his body pressing against his. The raven turns to face him because _that's weird, Makoto doesn’t touch me like this anymore_ , but the brunet shuts him down with one look.

"I say we start now and then I'll take you to that restaurant you like so much."

Haruka analyzes him, noticing a bit of color in Makoto's cheeks. He's nervous and he doesn't want to show it. His eyes are a mix of calm waves and a storm, which is really not usual. What is he doing?

"Okay... if that's what you want," Haruka carefully answers, turning back to his laptop and pausing the video. He opens a new tab. "What do you want to know first?"

"Uh…"

"You want me to start?"

Makoto exhales in relief, " _Yes_."

Haruka nods and types "Sex between two men" in the search bar, pressing enter. There are links for Wikipedia articles, videos and stupid things that do them no good. He tries again: "How do two men have sex."

Makoto chuckles nervously beside him. "There sure are a lot of videos."

"Have you seen one?" Haruka asks him, clicking on one of the links to a gay sex guide and watching as the new tab loads.

"I... I haven't, actually. Have you?"

"Yeah," he says, reading around a bit and pausing. He clicks his tongue and faces Makoto. “I have something to tell you, actually.”

Makoto smiles at him, cocking his head. “What is it, Haru-chan?”

“Don’t call me that,” the raven scolds, growing silent for some seconds. He then bites his lower lip and averts Makoto’s eyes, unsure of how to tell him. He analyzes his options and settles for being honest. It doesn’t matter how he say it, since the message will get across anyway. “I had a dream today. You were in it.”

Makoto perks up, beaming with excitement. “Really?! How was it?” he asks, looking like a puppy that’s about to get a treat.

“It was a wet dream,” Haruka says, looking at his boyfriend tentatively. He sees the exact moment Makoto understands what he’s saying, his eyes growing wide and his cheeks turning pink. “Have you ever had one? With me?” the raven asks because _why the hell not?_

“I- I don’t know,” Makoto stutters, a breathy, nervous laugh escaping his lips as he rubs the back of his neck.

Haruka stares at him, deadpanning. “How can you not know?” he asks, frowning at the boy as Makoto lowers his arm behind him again. “It’s okay if you haven’t. This one was my first. I don’t remember much, but I know it was you.”

“I don’t usually remember my dreams, only if they’re nightmares…” Makoto mutters, worrying at his bottom lip. Haruka reaches out and gently tugs it down with his thumb, telling him to stop or he’ll hurt himself. The brunet smiles at him gratefully, taking a deep breath and going on, “I know I had some sort of a wet dream before because of how I, uh, how I woke up… and I’m fairly sure it was you, because- well, because.”

“Because what?” Haruka insists. Makoto sighs and nods him off, but the raven doesn’t let it go.

“Because you’re the first one I ever felt attracted to, romantically or sexually. It had to be you,” Makoto says in one breath, his cheeks redder than before. He’s about to hide his face in his palms, but Haruka doesn’t let him- he holds both of his best friend’s wrists and brings their lips together, in a graceful, loving way.

“Me too,” Haruka says, smiling at Makoto before letting go of him. Haruka, with a warming feeling in his chest, turns back to the laptop and resumes his reading, glad that he had told Makoto about the dream.

He comes across a few sexual activities the site recommends before going all the way, frowning at one in particular.

"What is frottage?" he asks Makoto, who shifts closer to look better.

"Where?" the brunet asks, making Haruka point. "It's a link. Try clicking on it, maybe there's an explanation."

Haruka does as told, the page quickly loading. _Non-penetrative sex_ , it says. He still doesn't get it.

"Oh. Like... like dogs in heat?" Makoto associates and Haruka frowns at him. "They hump at everything when they don’t have a partner."

"You're so romantic," Haruka ironizes, rolling his eyes.

Makoto just laughs and motions for him to go on. Haruka closes the page about frottage and resumes his reading, sometimes pointing things out. He clicks on the link that says "Sex for the First Time" and waits for it to load. Makoto is not so composed now, his whole body stiff. Haruka feels a bit guilty for making him uncomfortable like that.

"It's fine if you've changed your mind," he tells Makoto, looking at him with sincere eyes. "Seriously, this won't work unless you're ready. I can wait, trust me."

Makoto blushes and clears his throat, averting his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Haruka glares. "This," he says as he pokes Makoto's rigid biceps. "You're all tense."

The brunet chuckles and blushes harder, biting at his lower lip. "I'm not uncomfortable. Well, at least not for the reason you're thinking."

Haruka frowns, eyes telling him to go on.

"You see, that... that frottage thing, it- I was thinking about it. Doing it, I mean. W-with you. And, uh. I got a bit... worked up."

Haruka knows that he shouldn't, but he looks down at Makoto's crotch. Yes, there's definitely something awakening there, and it makes his mouth water. He turns his face to his laptop not to tempt himself any further, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Makoto is like that because of him. It makes his mind go dizzy.

"So, um. This page doesn't say how to do it, but it gives us some tips. Foreplay, know your partner... this kind of thing," Haruka explains somewhat out of breath. "I'll look somewhere else."

"Okay," Makoto agrees and Haruka closes the tab. He opens a new one as he clicks on another link - "Are You a Top or Bottom?" and reads it, just out of curiosity. It says bottoms and tops can be defined by the person's pleasure from each activity. If they enjoy bottoming more, then they're a bottom. He already expected that much, but it never kills to have a look. He doesn’t understand the whole concept of being a top or a bottom, but maybe that’s just because he is neither of them – for the time being.

The next tab he opens is of a page about topping. It gives tips and instructions of how to be a good top and not to hurt your partner. He discreetly shifts the laptop closer to Makoto's lap, allowing him better view of the screen. Maybe he'll take the hint.

"Mm? 'Penetration can be quite painful for your bottom', it says," Makoto frowns. "I didn't know that. Did you?"

Haruka nods and keeps on reading, not trying to make it a big deal. _Please don't think it's a big deal_...

"'The anus must be lubed and stretched'... this is brutal!"

"It happens to women too," Haruka supplies. "But the vagina expands on its own when they're excited. Assholes aren't exactly meant to be penetrated and they don’t have their own moisture, so it kind of makes sense..."

"B-but it hurts! How are we- not that I assumed you would bottom, but I don't think-"

"It's fine," Haruka cuts him off, looking at him. "If we're cautious and don't rush, maybe it won't hurt. I trust you to take care of me, and I don't mind a bit of pain if it means you and I can be like one."

Makoto looks at him, his eyes still wide and his mouth hanging open. His brows are turned upwards in exasperation, his whole body stiff. He looks on the verge of crying.

"You can do me," Makoto says, blinking quickly as if he has found a solution. "I can bear the pain, I just- I don't think I could go on knowing I'm hurting you."

Haruka sighs and closes his eyes, trying to form an argument that will make Makoto realize he doesn't care about the pain, he doesn't care if he'll not be able to walk straight the next morning (the thought itself is pretty appealing, actually), but he finds none. Makoto is stubborn, more than he'd like to admit. When it comes to Haru, he'll always try to have the last word, no argument needed. But Makoto plans on bottoming for the rest of their lives, Haruka is sure of it. And that's not what he wants- that's not what they both want, if he knows his boyfriend as well as he thinks.

"We won't rush things," Haruka says, his eyes opening and meeting Makoto's already guilty ones. "It's not like we're having sex tomorrow. Today is all about knowing what we'll have to prepare for and understand better- put names to things we want to do. I already saw a couple of things I've thought about but couldn't name. You, too. We're not going to shut the laptop, undress ourselves and do it right here, right now. I don't expect this from you, nor from me."

Makoto stares at him for minutes. It's not like him to say this much, not even to Makoto.

The brunet looks down as his hands, "I know that," he murmurs. "But it will happen someday-"

"-And we'll have done enough to know our ways until then," Haruka completes, taking grasp of the brunet's hands and squeezing them. "I love you, and I really want to do it. But I don't think neither of us is ready to go all the way right now."

Makoto laughs nervously, leaning until his forehead is resting against Haruka's, his eyes slipping shut. "No, I don't think we are," he whispers, swallowing audibly and reopening his eyes. "This is ridiculous, I should be the one calming you down."

"I'm calm," Haruka states, his lips touching Makoto's briefly. "You make me calm. I trust you," he repeats, his heart clenching in his chest because of how much he loves the boy besides him.

Makoto smiles at him and kisses him tenderly, one of his hands freeing itself from Haruka's to cup his cheek. Makoto's hands are always so warm and delicate; no one would think so considering how big they are. Haruka loves his hands, his fingers, the softness of his touch and the steadiness of his grip. They make him feel like melting, his legs turning into jelly just from a single and innocent touch.

They pull apart and Haruka's eyes remain closed. He doesn't have the strength to open them right away. When he does, though, Makoto is smiling again, and looking at him like he's the most precious thing in the world.

Haruka nods to the laptop on his lap and they resume their research. The brunet tells him it would be nice to take notes of things they might want to try out sometime. Makoto's list is pretty basic, his ears and cheeks burning as he voices his wishes, but Haruka has them covered; he writes on his notepad almost all the things he sees. When he runs out of sexual acts, he starts to look up for kinks.

"Bloodplay?" Makoto cringes, his face contorting into a grimace. "That's insane."

"Have seen worse," Haruka shrugs, remembering that '2 Girls 1 Cup' video Nagisa had him watching. He still hasn't forgiven the blond. "Spanking seems nice, though."

Makoto blinks at him. "You want me to spank you?"

"The other way around, too," Haruka teases, smirking at how red his boyfriend gets. He compares his list to Makoto's and frowns at him, the brunet taking the hint.

"Let's see..." he mumbles, reading the page full of kink names and what they represent. "I... I'd like to see you wearing women's lingerie," Makoto says, biting at his bottom lip. It's Haruka's turn to blush, but he adds 'Lingerie' to the list anyways. "And, um. Bondage, maybe? Just some light thing like tying your wrists above your head- I mean, if you're into it and all because there's no way I'll tie you up if you're not up to it-"

"I know," Haruka groans. He glances at the page again. "What about Domination? I kind of... like it when you're all bossy..."

"You, acting submissive?" Makoto frowns, his eyes widening as he pictures it. "Y-yeah, that is- that's _definitely_ something to think about."

Haruka nods, his cheeks warming up. “You can’t act all flustered, though, then that’s something we should try last.”

“I don’t think I could boss you around in bed right now,” Makoto mutters, pouting. Haruka wants to kiss him, so he does, that pretty little pout turning into a smile. “We’ll get there though, right?”

“Mhmm,” Haruka hums, kissing his boyfriend’s jaw. “Can’t wait to be your little sex slave,” the raven teases just for the sake of it, his excitement getting the best of him. He even allows himself to laugh when Makoto starts babbling and stuttering, his face, neck and ears completely red until Haruka tells him he’s joking (although he’s _not_ ; he’s more than just eager to have Makoto dominating him). He saves the list and closes his laptop, turning to his boyfriend who looks as happy as he is embarrassed, his face still flushed.

One look has them standing in understanding, their teasing, sex talk and research being done by the day. Now, the only thing Haruka looks forward for is that restaurant Makoto talked about earlier. He is yet to find out how the Chef manages to make mackerel taste so much better than it already does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "JESUS TAY WHY DON'T THEY DO IT ALREADY"  
> patience my child  
> pee-pees and butt-butts ain't going anywhere  
> i like this chapter. is not as long as i expected it to be, but i like it nonetheless. i don't know why, but i do???? also flirty haru is a gift  
> a fucking gift  
> i love him so much where's my haru-chan  
> where's my mako-chan  
> i deserve them both
> 
> also yes i did search all of those things exactly as i wrote there. and no i didn't know what frottage is  
> it's nice, that's what i found out  
> fUKCING NICE  
> also the kinks, guys.......... mako and haru don't know it yet but lingerie and domination are the lightest things they'll be doing KINKY LITTLE ANGELS  
> i'm so excited i love them  
> it makes me so emotional to see them grow sexually................. i just hope my writing is okay
> 
> anyway, thanks for reading!!! i seriously love you guys so far I LOVE YOU SO MUCH i don't usually say that but it's true  
> let's all meet someday when i have the money to travel all around the world  
> but by then, let me just virtually hug you YOU CUTEPIE
> 
> and don't forget to follow me on twitter @meowruka_news


	5. All I Feel Is Need And Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before anything else, i'd like to say this chapter is based on a real story my friend told me  
> i for one would never make out in the bathroom-  
> oops, no spoilers
> 
> hope you like it!  
> also gdi can't they just do it already  
> (answer: no)

It's been three days.

Three, torturing days.

"I can't keep my hands off you," Makoto breathily whispers to him on Wednesday as he tugs Haruka into the bathroom stall of Iwatobi High and kisses him until the raven's mind becomes blank. People may come in, but he doesn’t mind, because all he cares about right now is the heated feeling of Makoto’s tongue around his, how it makes his heart beat at least ten times faster and his legs go weak, the conscientious part of his brain thanking the walls for holding him up.

Monday started off okay, no problems whatsoever. They walked to school together – the usual chatting accompanied by the usual sound of the ocean –, watched their classes begin and end together and ate together at lunch - pretty much their normal routine. The only change was Makoto excusing himself to the bathroom during break, Haruka going along because hey, he drank too much water that morning.

They relieved themselves and noticed, for a moment, that the bathroom was completely empty if not for them. One single look; it was all they needed before entering a stall - too tight for both of them to fit comfortably - and making out right there. The excitement of possibly being caught made Haruka's heart beat madly in his chest (and maybe it had something to do with how strongly Makoto held him in place, his huge hands gripping at the flesh of his waist and hips). He loved the way the brunet explored his body, tracing his fingers along his spine and making him moan against his mouth. It was hypnotizing, impossible to resist and something that Haruka would beg for if needed.

It became somewhat of a habit for them, the bathroom meetings. For some reason, after their talk, they became even hungrier for each other, though they never dared to take it to the next level. They wouldn't want to remember their first sexual act to be in the school bathroom. That's why when practice is cancelled, Haruka is only half-disappointed. He hurries home, Makoto's hand in his, not caring for the people who might stare at them in the way. He's been feeling so hot and needy, Makoto being the medicine for his fever. He wants him, _truly wants_ him, and he's desperate. He hates the feeling of his pants feeling tighter and not being able to take care of it. He hates how much he loves Makoto's hands and is yet to feel them all over his body.

It takes them twenty minutes to get home and Makoto is mostly at fault; he stopped running after the eighth minute to push Haru into an alley between two small business buildings and press him against the brick wall, resuming their work in the bathroom. It took Haruka full four minutes to remember why he was rushing in the first place, his lips reluctantly leaving Makoto’s to go and run to his house.

As the familiar stairway comes into place, his grip in Makoto’s hand tightens. He feels like he might burst in excitement. One glance behind him tells him Makoto is not much different, his cheeks burning but his eyes gleaming and _oh_ , his _lips_. He wants to kiss them, bite them and abuse them, feel them against every inch of his skin because Makoto’s lips are _that_ delicious, that hot and soft, and his _tongue_ -

He stumbles through the main door of his house, mind working to conclude that they have 2 hours as he pushes Makoto inside. The brunet doesn't even allow him to close the door before slamming him on the wall, their mouths colliding in a very messy way, not that either of them care. One glance at the door has Haruka mentally shrugging; doesn't mind- there's no reason for people to go up the shrine today, no special occasion or something. Besides, even if small, there’s a chance of them being caught again, and that’s enough to have him panting against his boyfriend.

 _This is it_ , he thinks as he feels Makoto's hands cupping his ass cheeks, his tongue tasting him all over. Haruka can only hold him tighter and beg for him silently, his mind all dizzy and his body not sustaining itself. He trusts Makoto to keep him standing, to keep him up his feet. If he falls, he won’t mind either; Makoto can have him on the floor for all he cares.

"Are we- do you want to...?" Makoto asks him, his voice barely a whisper. Haruka nods - he doesn't know what he's agreeing to but he doesn't mind. He wants everything. _Anything_.

Makoto takes off his shirt and then Haruka's, throwing both on the floor beside their feet. It takes one second for Makoto’s eyes to sweep over Haruka’s naked chest before they’re kissing again, the raven’s arms around his boyfriend’s neck as Makoto holds him by the waist, pulling him closer and closer until there’s no space for air between them. The brunet feels hot against his skin, their bodies sliding together because of how sweaty they have become from their jogging and the heat around them. Haruka wants to stop and take his time feeling Makoto's muscles under his fingertips, but he doesn't; there's nothing that would make him stop now, and he knows he'll have time for properly exploring his boyfriend later.

He feels Makoto's leg between his own and moans against his lips, grinding up and down his thigh. His hands move to the brunet's soft locks, his breathing desperate and failing. Makoto himself looks on the verge of passing out, the way his chest moves rapidly as he tries to regain his breath. Haruka allows himself to peek at him briefly, meeting green, analyzing eyes. Makoto moves to his neck, kissing and sucking the skin there until it turns red. Maybe he should tell him not to leave marks, since they are supposed to have practice tomorrow, but he doesn’t find it within himself to voice it. Right now, he doesn’t mind the marks; he loves them. Even if they mean he’ll have to do some explaining for his friends or miss practice until they fade, he doesn’t care. Having Makoto mark him… it makes his heart grow ten times bigger, weight ten times more. It takes his breath away.

“Feels so good,” Makoto moans against his lips, the sweet sounds his boyfriend presents him making him incredibly hard inside his pants. If not desperate for release, he would step back and touch Makoto all over until he’s all but moans and gasps, until Haruka’s name is the only word he can form, but he’s far too selfish for that now.

Makoto’s breathing is loud, but other than that, he’s quiet. Haruka is not surprised, knowing fully well Ren and Ran’s bedroom is just beside his own. Any loud noise would surely wake them up… but Haruka never had to deal with that. He never had to control his voice, so every sound that escapes his tiny lips turns into loud praises and begs, just stressing how desperate he is, how much he wants Makoto.

The brunet lifts him up, Haruka’s legs closing around his boyfriend’s hips. From the new position, Makoto is practically grinding against his ass, and even though Haruka is fully clothed from his hips down, it still feels amazingly good, especially as Makoto showers him with passionate kisses, not a single space left on his face to be touched by the brunet’s lips.

“You’re so hard,” Haruka whispers, his eyes half-lidded and his lips brushing against Makoto’s as he speaks. His boyfriend smiles at him and kisses him, tugging at his bottom lip just the way he likes it.

Haruka loves Makoto’s teeth; the way he bites at him without making it hurt, leaving hickeys all over his neck and collarbone. He loves how Makoto uses them to tease him, to pleasure him, and he knows Makoto likes it, too. Likes to bite him and mark him, claim him shamelessly, just as much as Haruka likes to scratch him, his broad, beautiful back, a blank canvas for him to draw on.

“You,” Haruka tries breathlessly, his moan cutting him off. “You wanna take these off?”

Makoto looks at him, his cheeks flushed and pupils dilated. His hair is a complete mess and there’s drool dripping down his chin. “Not yet, no,” he whispers apologetically. Haruka doesn’t like his tone, shutting him by bringing their lips together again, not minding how breathless he is. Taking their pants off wouldn’t make so much of a difference, considering how close Haruka already is. He grinds down on Makoto’s lap, wanting to feel and be felt, wanting him to remember exactly what they’re doing, for the rest of their lives.

He doesn't want it to stop, yet he's already panting and moaning louder, his nails digging into the flesh of his boyfriend’s back as Makoto thrusts against his crotch with such experience, like he _knows_ exactly how to turning Haruka into a mess.

"I- I'm gonna-" Haruka breathes, his eyes closing again as he holds Makoto tighter and grinds up and down quicker, his pace restless and uncoordinated. He doesn’t care if he’s acting desperate, he doesn’t care if the door is open. Right now, the only thing in his mind is how close he is to the best orgasm of his life- the first one with Makoto, with the one he loves the most, his best friend and soulmate.

"Come on," Makoto encourages him, kissing his jaw, his cheeks, his lips. "Cum, baby."

If he weren’t in the state he's in, he would have scoffed at the nickname. Instead, he finds it extremely arousing, moaning Makoto's name and pressing himself against him as he cums. Not much later, Makoto is following him, his eyes shutting tight as he bites down the flesh of Haruka's shoulder to muffle the loudness in his voice.

They slide to the floor together, their underwear and pants slick and uncomfortable. Haruka allows himself some time to breathe before opening his eyes at the same time Makoto does. On his lap, he sees his boyfriend is sweaty, his hair sticking everywhere, with cheeks tinged red and lips swollen. There are scratches on his shoulders and chest, and definitely on his back too. Makoto watches him, mouth hanging open as he flicks his eyes all over him, seeming dazed.

"You look..." Makoto starts, his cheeks gaining more color. "I'm kind of guilty to feel this way, but wow. You're breathtaking."

"Why do you feel guilty?" Haruka lazily asks, too tired to feel embarrassed by his boyfriend's praise. It's hard enough to keep his eyes open.

"Bruises. Don't they hurt?"

Haruka shrugs and shifts closer to him, head resting on top of Makoto's broad chest. "I don't know. I feel like I've been anesthetized or something."

Makoto laughs and hugs him closer. The brunet glances at the still open door and stretches his leg to close it with his foot. He takes the opportunity to take off his shoes and kick them to the doorstep. Haruka silently watches him, and he understands exactly how Makoto feels. The brunet is gleaming, his eyes bright and greener than they've ever been. He looks relaxed but happy, his whole face giving away his feelings. Haruka wonders if he's as transparent right now.

"I love you," Makoto tells him, leaning to kiss his forehead. Haruka nods, closing his eyes and enjoying the warmth of his body as they both lie down on the rug, Makoto's arms around him and their hearts beating like one. “And we’re so dirty right now.”

“Bath later. I’m sleepy,” Haruka mumbles, snuggling closer to him.

“Then we better take a nap on the bed, right?” Makoto suggests, but Haruka shakes his head; he’s too tired to stand, too weak to even consider it. “Come on, I’ll carry you upstairs if needed.”

Haruka opens one of his eyes, meeting Makoto’s beautiful smile. “Aren’t you tired?”

“I am,” Makoto tells him, his smile never fading. It’s so bright; it makes Haruka’s own lips curl upwards. “But I want you comfortable. Plus,” he chuckles, “There, we can cuddle like you deserve.”

Haruka sighs in defeat, his legs shaking as he stands. “I can’t decide if you’re the best boyfriend or the worst,” he jokes, Makoto standing and placing an arm around his waist. Slowly, they make their way upstairs, Haruka throwing himself on the bed the minute they arrive in the room. Before nodding off, he can feel Makoto’s body against him, hugging him and placing one last kiss on his forehead, before relaxing against the mattress. There, Haruka feels like telling him, once again, how much he loves him, but he notices that won’t be necessary. Makoto knows, as much as Haruka himself knows all the things Makoto doesn’t have the courage to say. It might take a while, but eventually they always find an answer, be it by implications or actions. And, right now, hugging Makoto and feeling his warmth under the sheets, there are things that really don’t need to be said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about my friend's story: DUDE YOU JUST PEED  
> WSHY WOULD YOU MAKE OUT AFTER THAT  
> ok that's just me i'm too......... i don't know the word in english  
> let's just hope they have washed their hands  
> (or not you pervy things)
> 
> and i know i'm mean, couldn't even add some handjob or something................ but it won't take long  
> maybe next chapter who knows not me  
> (jk i know, OH I DO)  
> they are taking things slow we can't blame them  
> or me. it's not my fault i don't define their thoughts!!!!  
> (god i'm on a roll today)  
> (i'm done i swear)
> 
> and before i take off i want your opinion on something: i've been thinking of writing some catboy!haru/makoto action so lemme know your thoughts
> 
> hope you liked it!!!!


End file.
